Clever Stuff
My toilet roll claims to never run out. This cannot be true. Perhaps they should make it true by hooking up individual toilet roll dispensers to a central toilet roll, it would be like having mains toilet roll.
I see problems with this idea – the infrastructure would be a major overhead and the bureacracy when you wanted to switch colours, or change from quilted to plain, would be immense.
This wouldn´t faze that Dyson bloke. Not only did he invent a hoover that hoovered without the need to jiff about with a bag, he also invented the “air blade”! I had the pleasure of using this device the other day at Gatwick Airport. It´s a hot air hand drier that, wait for it … that actually dries your hands! No, it´s true. You dip your hands in and out of this funny looking thing and this blade of hot air dries your hands.
Amazing stuff. That Dyson´s a clever chap. He´d have toilet roll on mains no trouble.
That´s the difference between the successful and, well, me. I see problems, they see solutions.
Gordon Brown is successful. He´s the Prime Minister and wants to remain so, hence he decided to wait and see if the Tories had a good conference and if so, forget about an election. The clever bit was that he made Cameron announce lots of really popular policies now, a full two years ahead of the actual election, giving him plenty of time to steal them and pretend he thought of them first.
Clever stuff – headline tax breaks on the biggies like inheritence tax and stamp duty – Gordon´ll be on the phone to number 11 right now, “Did you get all that Darling?” (they must never tire of that gag).
Clever stuff.
Expect the upcoming economic cycle to include big cuts in inheritence tax for main homes, stamp duty threshholds leaping upwards and major investment in a toilet roll mains infrastructure to bring toilet tissue distribution into the twenty-first century.
your mind works in mysterious ways, Mr Z. Love it.
bindi nestor
9 October, 2007 at 5:32 am
Clever you!
Alistair Darling has this morning unveiled changes to inheritance tax.
More good duck luck than sober government I’d say.
xxx
Pants
Pants
9 October, 2007 at 1:38 pm
This is a very funny post.
Ha, ha, bonk.
That was the sound of me laughing and my head falling off. My daughter has a joke book with the same title.
Did that hand-drier really dry your hands? Tell us the truth now.
earthpal
10 October, 2007 at 12:27 pm
hey mr z, that is quite wonderful, mains toilet roll, but you are right, there would be conflict over texture, colour, unbleached . . .
nmj
10 October, 2007 at 12:45 pm
Bindi, thanks, I really think it’s weird that you seem to get my sense of humour. That puts you in the minority, which is always the best place to be.
Pants, I thought Darling was a bit quick off the mark, it all looked far too opportunistic, but then Labour have left this issue open like a gaping sore, it was BOUND to be exploited eventually, I cannot think why the Tories didn’t jump all over it in 2005.
Labour have lost a lot of initiative and Brown’s bubble has burst, but there’s still two years to go, and that’s a lot of stamina the boy Cameron will need.
EP, lovely to see you again – I keep passing by Scorched Earth and reading you. The hand drier did work, it was very impressive.
NMJ, nice to see you peeking your head up from your hibernation, you are always welcome here. You are obviously like me in spotting the problems with mains toilet roll, Dyson would have none of it – he wouldn’t give the likes of us the time of day.
MrZhisou
10 October, 2007 at 8:09 pm
Why not just get get of these ‘thingies’ they use on the space station? Shhllluuuurrrrrp
As Donovan sang, ‘The InterGalactic Laxative Will Get You From Here To Mars’.
Merkin
11 October, 2007 at 11:22 pm
Merkin, good to see you, but I have to pick a teensy-weensy hole in your otherwise flawless suggestion. Those space station thingies don´t exist. Sadly buses do exist, and worse, so do bus stations.
There was a 35 minute break on my journey – this after only about 2 hours. Was such a lengthy break absolutely necessary? We go in about an hour late and there we NO taxis at all. I walked the streets in the rain for half-an-hour at 5.30am in desperate search of a cab or an open early morning café.
You´d think the cabbies would work out that rainy night and Madrid bus arrival would add up to a whole lot of fares – no, I abandoned the queue and struck out on my own so I´ll never know how long I would have had to have waited.
I got in bed at 6am.
Dyson should invent the teleport thingy and stop mucking about with air blades and mains bog roll.
MrZhisou
14 October, 2007 at 3:13 pm
I want to try a blade hand-drier.
I imagine it’s much more efficient too. Clever chap, that Dyson.
Mind you, I usually use Mrs. tyger’s dressing gown. She’ll never catch me.
tyger
18 October, 2007 at 10:56 am
Mrs tyger migth notice the missing dressing gown if you were to use it to dry your hands at Gatwick Airport, which is where the “air blade” is.
MrZhisou
18 October, 2007 at 6:04 pm